Rain, Tears, And Missing You

Well my parents, brother and his girlfriend are off on vacation, leaving me home with the dogs. Tropical storm Debby is moving in from the gulf, but they say its supposed to turn and go the other direction. I don't really mind it honestly. Its rain, which we needed. The lakes, the canals, everything is so low right now. The rain will help, but the ground is so soggy that nothings seeping in yet.

I've always loved the rain. Sitting in the window, watching it fall. It was always kind of.. magical. Watching mother nature feed and nourish the earth.. I always found it beautiful. Storms also tend to put me to sleep. I can sleep through some of the stronger storms with no problem. But today is different. I woke up with a terrible headache, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't get back to sleep. I'm so.. well.. I guess miserable fits pretty well.

I can't control my emotions anymore. I get so frustrated, and snap without meaning to. Like yesterday, I was upset with my parents, and took it out on Graham, who got upset with me. I felt awful about it, but there was nothing I could do. It was already done. I tried apologizing, but it just seemed to fall flat. He says he knows its the hormones, but that doesn't mean I don't hate that I'm snapping at him. He doesn't deserve it. He has done nothing wrong. All hes ever done, is be sweet and loving, kind and caring. He worries about me ALL the time, and hes scared of losing me. None of that is a reason for me to snap at him. I just hope that after the baby is born, things go back to normal.

We've been apart for four weeks and six days now. And every second is like a tiny stab to the heart. I cry every night before bed, and so does Graham. We hate being apart like this. I know we can do it, but I hate that we have to. I hate that I can't just be in his arms. :'( I asked him if him coming here for a little while would help, but it was for selfish reasons really. I just want him here. I need him here. I need to see his face, and hear his voice. :'( He said he doesn't know. That he wants money and timing to be right, and I understand that. I just.. I'm really praying he'll come. That I can pick him up at that airport, hold him, and just cry. If he decides he shouldn't come, it wont be until closer to December that I see him again. :'( And even that is unless we decide I should move there before the baby is born. Everything is just.. so up in the air right now. I hate it. I know the stress isn't good for the baby, but.. I cant help it. This isn't helping my headache at all.

Thanks for the comments and the support guys. Its really appreciated. <3

Lots of Love,
Laura