I'm 22 weeks pregnant, and these hormones are completely raging. I have some really good days, and then I have days where I just curl into a ball (well, as much as I can with this belly in my way..) and just cry my eyes out in pure sobs for hours at a time. Graham and I have been fighting more and more, and I can't stand it. I love him more than anything in the world, and I trust him with my life. Graham is the most important thing to me, so knowing I've disappointed him, or upset him really bothers me.
We have our "us" days, where we avoid the computer, stay off facebook and every other social media. We don't text friends, we don't talk to anyone but each other (Of course we can't avoid our families, as much as we may like to). Its completely wonderful, and I love it. Its JUST us, to do whatever WE want to do together. Granted its difficult with us being states apart, but we make it work. But lately our "us" days seem to be.. falling apart. I notice my phone buzzing with him posting pictures on facebook, or sharing articles, or getting on youtube.. I enjoy having the day of no computer, so I avoid mine at all cost. Seeing that Graham keeps getting on his, kind of hurts.. To me, it feels like hes bored with me, or just can't/won't go the full 24 hours with JUST me..
I went to a friends house today because they had something going on, and when I got home, my head started going. I started thinking about how Graham gets to go out every saturday with friends and have fun, where as I stay home and do nothing. He goes to work, and I stay home. He gets to laugh with friends, and my friends are all gone.. everyones moved away, or stopped talking to me.. I get jealous. :/ That and the fact that his friends actually get to see him, hear him, talk to him, touch him.. I hate that I get jealous of it, but I can't help it. I just miss him so much! I started thinking about how he was busy at work today, then went out with friends, then hes spending the night at his best friends house.. I feel like I haven't gotten to talk to him all day. I'm scared hes going to get bored with me again tomorrow on our day, and I hate that we don't have actual open and honest conversations.. He's always so busy that we don't get into depth about things..
Before the movie started, he started asking me what was wrong, and I didn't want to say anything. I wanted to let him enjoy his night with friends, and we could talk about it later. But after the movie, when I wouldn't promise that I was fine, he was getting scared because he felt like it was something bad. I promised him it wasn't bad, that it wasn't anything we hadn't already talked about before. I thought it was just something we would talk about and move on. But when I told him what was bothering me, all of a sudden it was like I had told him that everything he ever does is wrong.. Now hes so upset that he's not answering me at all. v.v I feel like everything I say ends up with us in a fight, and I hate it! I don't know what to do! :'(
Lots of Love,
Laura
